When Excitement Feels Like Anxiety: A 4 a.m. Conversation with my Parts

I once heard someone say that excitement can feel like anxiety, and anxiety can feel like excitement.
I’m here to clear that up—or at least share how I discovered the difference—using Internal Family Systems (IFS) and a 4 a.m. conversation with my parts.

The Wake-Up Call

I woke up at 4 a.m. again. Perimenopause has made sleep more elusive than ever, and I’ve been experimenting with different strategies.

This time, my brain decided that what I really needed to think about at 4 a.m. was… making collages.

Then came a flood of thoughts:

Ooh! I could start that mini-card collage project I’ve been dreaming about.
Wait—you have business things to do. Real work. Not arts and crafts.

By this point, my stomach was tight and my mind was racing. I felt frustrated with my brain for thinking of everything all at once. AT 4 A.M.!

So I took a few deep breaths and came back into my body. I could feel the swirl of black goo in my stomach and a tightness in my throat. This was the sign that things were not ok inside.

With gentle curiosity, I asked if there were some parts that needed my attention.

Immediately, the inner chatter began.

The Chorus of Parts

Business First! Part:

“HELLO! I do not understand why we are thinking about art at this time of night!”

Creative Part:

“I’m so excited! We bought that online class and I can’t wait to start. Making tiny mixed-media cards sounds so fun!”

Sleepy Part:

“You guys. This is dumb. We need to go to sleep.”

Anxious Part:

“Oh no! There’s too much to think about and do, and we’ll never get it all done! It’s a mess!”

The Polarization

It became clear that my system was in a polarization—parts pulling in opposite directions and blending into anxiety.

I took another deep breath and asked which part most needed attention.

The Anxious Part jumped forward.

Anxious Part:

“Oh thank goddness you’re here. I’m so overwhelmed by all the ideas and excitement everyone else has!”

Self:

“What else do you want me to know?”

Anxious Part:

“I don’t know how to organize it all. Then we get overwhelmed and do nothing, and that makes me scared. So I woke you up to get things straightened out. I’m in knots, and that Creative Part just wants to paint! It’s dumb! I hate the Creative Part!”

Self:

“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t overwhelm us and wake us up?”

Anxious Part:

“I’m afraid we’ll only do fun things and not the serious things we need to.”

Self:

“That sounds really hard. I can see why you’d feel anxious about that.”

As I listened, I could feel the tension start to shift.
There was suddenly a little more space inside.

The Conversation Opens Up

Creative Part:

“I just want to learn and make something beautiful. Every time I feel inspired, the Business First! Part makes me feel guilty.”

Business First! Part:

“We need to get serious! We’ll fail if we waste time on art.”

Self:

“What are you afraid will happen if we don’t focus on business?”

Business First! Part:

“We’ll fail. We’ll have to tell everyone we couldn’t make it work. We’ll have to get a ‘normal’ job—and that’s terrifying.”

Self:

“So you’re not just strict—you’re scared. You really want to keep us safe.”

Business First! Part:

“Exactly. And what if we fail at art too? Then we’re just a big failure all around.”

When I reflected that back, I could feel that part soften. It wasn’t trying to be mean. Instead, it was trying to protect me from shame.

I could feel all the parts begin to calm down as they realized they’d been heard.

The Collective Exhale

Self:

“It’s 4 a.m., and everyone’s exhausted. How about we continue this conversation after we rest?”

Creative Part:

“Sleep sounds great. I want to wake up rested and inspired.”

Business First! Part:

“We’ll make better plans after some rest.”

Sleepy Part:

“Perfect. Let me take over for now.”

And just like that, I drifted back to sleep.

When Excitement Meets Anxiety

When I woke up a few hours later, I felt lighter.
No problems had been solved exactly, but my parts weren’t fighting anymore.

That’s what I love about IFS: it’s not about silencing voices or forcing calm. It’s about listening long enough for the noise to make sense.

What I used to call anxiety was often excitement without leadership—all my parts wanting to help, all at once.

Now, when I wake up at 4 a.m., buzzing with ideas, I know what to do:

Take a breath. Get curious. Ask who’s here.

And remind them that Self—the calm, curious, creative leader of the system—is awake too.