My to-Do List was completely overwhelming because my parts were in charge!
I used to think that when my to-do list overwhelmed me, it meant I needed a better system. A new planner. A stricter routine. More discipline. A prettier template. A different app. But over time, I started noticing something else: Sometimes it wasn’t the list that was the problem.
It was who was inside me that was adding things to the list that didn’t necessarily belong there!
Every To-Do List Item Has an Author (or Three)
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), I understand my inner world as a system composed of different parts, each with its own role and reason for what it does.
When I sit down to make a list, I can feel it immediately:
My Perfectionist wants everything done “the right way” and adds ten bonus tasks I didn’t ask for.
My People Pleaser volunteers me for things that sound fine in the moment but end up draining me later.
My Achiever keeps the pressure on because slowing down can feel unsafe.
My Avoider tries to help by pulling me toward comfort and distraction when I’m overwhelmed.
None of these parts are bad. They’re trying to protect me.
But when they’re running my day, my to-do list stops feeling like a support system and starts feeling like a stress generator.
That’s why I created the Parts Aware To-Do List.
What Makes My To-Do List “Parts Aware”?
This isn’t a productivity hack. It’s a listening practice.
Instead of starting with, What do I need to get done?
I start with, Who wants this done, and why?
In Part One of the worksheet, I walk myself through four simple questions:
What’s the task?
What’s the fear underneath it?
Which part of me wants it done?
If I can access Self-energy, what would my Self say back?
When I do this, something shifts. Tasks that felt urgent start to soften when I understand what’s driving them. Sometimes I still do the task, but with more compassion. Sometimes the task changes shape. Sometimes it doesn’t belong on my list at all.
Bringing Self Into the Lead
Part Two of the worksheet is where I practice rewriting my list from Self-leadership.
In IFS, Self is not a part. Self is my calm, curious, compassionate core. When I’m in Self-energy, I can respond instead of react. I can hold multiple needs at once. I can make decisions with clarity.
From Self, the same task might sound like:
“Let’s try this today and see how it feels.”
“This doesn’t actually need to happen right now.”
“We can rest first, then decide.”
“We don’t have the bandwidth for this, and that’s okay.”
When I lead from Self, my system feels more spacious. My parts don’t have to shout to be heard. They start trusting that someone steady is paying attention.
This Practice Isn’t About Doing More
One of the biggest things this tool reminds me is that not every task is a true need.
Some tasks are fear responses.
Some are old survival strategies.
Some are bids for approval.
Some are coming from a part of me that is exhausted and trying to avoid pain.
And when I can see that clearly, I can choose differently.
The Parts Aware To-Do List helps me tell the difference between what matters and what’s just loud.
It helps me remember that productivity can be peaceful and that my worth has never been measured by how much I accomplish in a day.
An Invitation I Keep Coming Back To
When my to-do list feels heavy and overwhelming, I come back to this practice.
I don’t have to do it perfectly. I don’t have to finish my list. I just need a few minutes of curiosity and honesty. My parts have been working hard for me for a long time. This is one way I can acknowledge them, listen to them, and still let my calm, clear Self lead the day. If I want a to-do list that supports me (instead of pressures me), this is where I start.
If you want to try the workbook I made, you can find the Parts Aware To-Do List here.